Well it's currently 12 am and I'm wide awake and I feel totally alone and abandoned, and I know I'm not. But it certainly feels that way. I don't understand people. Like I do. A lot; and I love people. A lot. But I don't. I don't understand myself; but I do? Is my entire life a question? Recently I read an article on whether or not our life is a simulation. It's messed with my vibe.
I feel like I should give a perfect answer like I always do in my posts. But I literally have nothing. I'm not going to post this link on Facebook or Twitter, or tell people it's up. I'm just writing for myself and if someone sees it, that's great.
I want to be happy, but I don't know how to obtain that happiness for myself. Ugh. I don't know. I feel friendless. A huge part of my happiness in this experience is my friends. Since I have none here, I depend on those back at home. Kinda sucks when you feel abandoned by them, too. I don't know what my plan is for the future. I LOVE PLANS. But what is a plan? Is it forcing your will upon God's and then expecting him to comply? What even is a plan?
I want to go hug all my friends and tell them it will be okay and that I love them, but currently the only thing I can hug is my pillow and text my friends. Like one of my friends poetically stated, "distance is stupid." 2,000 miles is really far. This post is so disjointed and messy and makes no sense at all. Kind of like me.
God, will you teach me how to be happy? Will you show me the way to happiness? Friends, will you show me you love me? Can I show you that I love you? Mom and Dad, can you show me the way to go? Can I support you? Trenton, Mazie, Benson, Zoe, can I lead you and show you the way? Can I set a good enough example for you?
God, will you lead me?
Savannah
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