The Real Me

Since I've written on this blog I've:

Moved across the country
Moved to college
Worked three jobs
Climbed a lot of rocks
Went on my first backpacking trip
Cried a lot

Tonight I want to talk about the real me.

Part of my move to South Carolina was me losing myself, finding myself, then losing myself again. I thought that moving to college was going to help me find myself again but alas, I still feel lost. Before I used to know with a surety that I was a daughter of God and I knew my personality and I knew my strengths. More importantly, I knew my worth. But now I just feel bleh. About myself and about others around me. I feel like Because I don't know who I am anymore I can't find people I vibe with because I don't even have a vibe. I feel like people don't know the real me and because of that I don't have many friends (except my roommates whom I love dearly) but how can I blame them if I don't know the real me?

I really want to though. Really. Ugh. If someone out there wants to remind me of who I am that would be great.

My ministering brothers (bless them) gave me a blessing to help me realize my identity and unchanging identity as a daughter of God. It's helped, but the journey to do so is long and arduous and honestly, I don't want to start it because it's almost comfortable to stay here. I know that contradicts everything I said about wanting to find myself again but that's honestly how I feel. I'm just not myself right now.

I'm really sorry to all the people I've met over the last year. You don't know the real Savannah. You met a tired, drained, unsure Savannah. I promise that's not who I am. But I don't really know who I should be anymore. Just be patient with me and soon you'll see who I really am.

Pinned to the Soul

Some badges are pinned to the soul.

Just Talk

Talking is really nice. Especially to someone you know loves you. Someone you trust. Talking about everything is nice. To just sit down and let it all out. When you're sad, when you're happy, when you're upset, when you're stressed, or when you're in love. Get it all out. Sometimes we don't expect to talk to the person we talk to, but it feels good when you're done. Sometimes it's nice to let your body language talk. To let someone's actions talk. To let their touch talk. Just talk.

When I'm a Mom

When I'm a mom, I want to be the best mom EVER. I want to raise my kids to love life. To love Christ and live his gospel with complete fidelity. I want to instill that love for him in them and inspire them by my own actions. I want them to love adventure. I want them to love their family. I want them to love learning. I'll teach them those things. I'll teach them how to take care of their body and exercise. I'll read books with them. I'll watch movies with them. I'll take pictures with them so they can have little snapshots of my love for them. I'll invite their friends over so they know they can trust me and my husband with their relationships. I want them to grow up with a dog so they can learn how to be responsible. I want them to be involved with sports and music. I want to raise them to be passionate. I want them to see that their mom and dad love each other and that they are worthy of love. I want them to love chocolate so I have an excuse to buy a lot. I want them to cook with me so we can create memories. I want to hear all about my daughters' first date when they're 16. Their first kiss, their first boyfriend, their first prom. I want to be a friend to my children. I will raise them to respect everyone and serve selflessly. To dive deep into their education and invest in it. To be financially smart. Independent. How to make good decisions. I want to teach them to be in tune with the Spirit all the time. I will teach them to love themselves. But most importantly, I will teach them how to love their Savior, Jesus Christ.

IMMA BE THE BEST MOM EVER!!!

A Spiritual Airplane

When in turbulence or in a cloud, an airplane does not stop. The pilot does not put the plane in neutral and wait out the storm or apparent danger. No, it keeps moving. Forward. If he put it in neutral, there would be certain danger for passengers and he would run out of gas. So he keeps moving forward. Not to the side. Not back. Forward. In this analogy, the airplane is life and our faith in Jesus Christ. We are the pilot. The other passengers are the other people affected by our actions. The gas represents the atonement. In trying times, human nature is to stop and "wait out the storm". Stop progressing emotionally, spiritually, and physically. However, if we did that, our faith would waver, other people would be affected by our actions, and we would be put into spiritual danger. We would waste the atonement by not using its enabling power (just like the gas) to move forward. In life, we must press onward, enduring to the end despite the vicious trials life throws at us. We must trust in ourselves, in our savior, and keep an eternal perspective. We must trust that the ultimate pilot and savior of our lives will guide us safely home if we trust in him, follow him, and use his atonement and the enabling power it gives us.

FRIGGIN ACCEPTANCE

I had this thought the other day and after thinking about it for a while I'm kind of ticked. WHY CAN'T WE JUST FRIGGIN ACCEPT EVERYONE.

My favorite celebrity is Ellen. Without a doubt. Hi Ellen if you're reading this I love you. Anyways. Ellen is a huge LGBTQ+ advocate and I admire that she's willing to stand up for what she believes in.  I was watching her 20th Anniversary of Coming Out video and had this epiphany. It seems that a lot of gay people lose their friends after coming out because their "friends" are afraid they'll start hitting on them. Well, I'm straight and I don't hit on every single guy I meet. That'd be weird. So why do we think that just because someone's gay they'll hit on you...? *loud screaming* JUST FRIGGIN ACCEPT EVERYONE.

Another thing. Christ accepts everyone. He loves everyone. In fact, he died for everyone. It's not liked our acceptance into the Celestial Kingdom will be based on whether or not we're straight or not. God loves ALL his children and wants them to be happy. So let's be like Christ and love everyone too.

Kick the Comfort Zone

I was going through the notes on my phone and found this.

"Don't be afraid to not do 'what girls do.'" You are different. Kick the comfort zone."

While that may be true, let's try an alternative.

"Don't be afraid to do 'what girls do'. You are different. Kick the comfort zone."

It's okay to not wear makeup for an entire month but then wear a full face every once in a while. It's okay to feel really pretty in a dress. It's okay to curl your hair. It's okay to get filthy dirty while playing in the mud with your siblings. It's okay to burp after a really good meal (just don't get in the habit ;)). It's okay to have big thighs because you exercise regularly. It's okay to be yourself.

Sometimes, kicking the comfort zone isn't being the opposite of something, or entirely changing yourself. Sometimes, it's simple acceptance of who you are. Finding your personal freedom. Kick the comfort zone.

My Human Capital

Human capital is your worth. It is what you have to offer, and what drives the economy. The economy is made up of individuals offering services (capital), which moves the economy forward. It raises the economy because when there is human capital, there is so much worth and value in the economy.

My Human Capital:

Skills:

• Learning
• Public speaking
• Ukulele
• Outgoing
• Reading
• Physical activity
• Photography
• Improving yourself
• Making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich
• Packing a suitcase
• Being flexible
• Resourceful

Knowledge:

• History
• People
• The gospel
• Government philosophy
• How to make people like you
• Photography
• Music
• How to make things aesthetically pleasing
• Airports
• How to improve/stretch yourself

Talents:

• Music
• People
• Public speaking
• Learning
• Rock climbing
• Expressing myself
• Helping others
• Physical activity
• Creating systems
• Interior decorating
• Connecting with people

Passion:

• People
• Learning
• The Gospel
• The outdoors
• Food
• Adventure
• Interior decorating (just go with it)
• Creating systems
• Music

Create your human capital.

Heartbreak

The worst feeling in the world is knowing your friend's heart is breaking but you can't do anything about it because you don't understand their battle.

Christ Wants Us to Look Up

Whenever I hear the word "hope", I think of looking up into the sky, sunlight breaking through clouds and streaming on to my face, birds chirping, and butterflies circling me, all in a field of wildflowers.
Not really, but you get the idea. Hope, to me, means "look up". For me, I have hope for things in the future. I hope that I will get accepted into BYU Provo, and I act on that hope. I have hope that I will win the Student Body Presidency election, and I act on that hope. I have hope that putting in the time to exercise will benefit me in the long term, and I act on that hope. I look forward.

This past week I read a few scriptures that taught me about hope. In John 3:14-15 it says

14. And as Moses lifted up the serpent in the wilderness, even so must the Son of man be lifted up;
15. That whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have eternal life.

As Moses led the Israelites into the wilderness, many became sick. They begged Moses for a cure, so he gave them one. He put a serpent on a stick and raised it up. Anyone who had the faith to look up at the serpent would be healed. Although it was so simple, many did not look and died. As John 3 explains, the serpent was symbolic of Jesus Christ being raised upon the cross. Anyone who looks to him will be saved.
There are a few words I want to highlight. Lifted and raised, look, saved, believe.
Christ was raised on the cross. As his disciples, Mary, and others looked up at him, they witnessed the end to the most selfless and perfect act in human history; the Atonement of Jesus Christ. When we look up to this moment in time and its continuation into our lives thousands of years later, we are saved because we believe and we believe because we act. The act is to look.

Helaman 8:15 expounds even more on this principle.

15. And as many as should look upon that serpent should live, even so as many as should look upon the Son of God with faith, having a contrite spirit, might live, even unto that life which is eternal.

Contrite spirit. Live. Faith. Eternal.

All these words have one thing in common. Hope. Humility to hope. Live by hope. Faith, Hope, and Charity. Hope and faith in an Eternal God.

In Alma 37:47 we read Alma's advice to his son Helaman.

47: And now, my son, see that ye take care of these sacred things, yea, see that ye look to God and live. Go unto this people and declare the word, and be sober. My son, farewell.

There are four pieces of advice in this verse that guide us to look up. 1. Take care of sacred things. Honor covenants made with God. Live righteously. Men, honor your priesthood duty. Women, teach the children and youth to become Christlike people. 2. Live. Live with hope in God and Jesus Christ. Live to your full potential. Live with joy. 3. Declare the word. Be a missionary. By an example of the believers, edify, uplift, and love. 4. Be sober. This is a little confusing, so to clarify we'll look at a Spanish translation. The translation is "ser justicio", or be just. Live a life of fairness, mercy, and justice. Judge righteously.

Christ does not want us to live a trodden down life. He wants us to live a life full of joy, peace, laughter, life, and hope. He wants us to look up. Through his atonement and our faith, Christ will pull us up. He will pull us out of trials into peace. He will pull us from sin to repentance. He will advocate for us in front of the father and pull us to eternal life.

Christ wants us to look up.

I Want To Be Normal

Yup. I just said that. Let's say it again. I want to be normal.
I want to hang out with my friends on a Friday night. I want to watch movies. I want to braid hair. I want to talk about boys. I want to actually see my friends. I want to know how to put on eyeshadow and what the heck highlighter is. I want to do choir. I want to do volleyball. I want to take selfies with my friends. I want to go to dances (even though I hate them). I want to do normal things.

But.

I can't.

Here's why.

I'm not normal. Even before I moved I never was normal. I don't like drama. I won't fight a friend over a boy. I love politics. I love school. I'd rather read a book than watch a movie. I'd rather exercise than watch Netflix. I don't become obsessed with a tv show.

Hahaha.

I'm not normal.

At first glance you might not think that. I'm short, wear glasses, have boring hear, laughs a lot, cries a lot. But then you get to know me. Then you realize I'm not the sweet little girl you thought I was. I'm a honey badger. I sound nice but I'm not afraid to rip you apart.
I get competetive. If I lose I will dwell on it until I win.
I'm studious. I'll get an A if it's the last thing I do.
I go after whatever I want. And I succeed. Most of the time.
I have meaningful relationships with my mentors and other adults in my life.
I have meaningful relationships with my peers.
I haven't spent the time to master one instrument, sport, or art. I can do a little bit of everything.
I don't exercise because I'm in a sport. I exercise because I want to be healthy.
I have a testimony of my savior Jesus Christ and my Father in heaven not because my parents told me to have one, but because I wanted one.
I speak another language.
I like getting up early.
I journal every day.
I love life.
I live life.

I am not normal.
My frends are not normal. But even by their standards I am not normal.
But that doesn't mean I'm strange.
I'm just not normal.

But I want to be normal.
I want people to accept me for who I am instead of accepting me for where I've been.

I want to be normal.

I am not normal.

Why can't I accept that.

Why is this going on a public blogpost instead of my journal.
Idk man.

What is wrong with me.
Nothing is wrong with me.

I'm just not normal.

That's all.

Have a nice day.

Gov and Econ A - Course in Review

Now that finals are done, prepare yourself for the storm of half-finished thoughts and ideas that I've been storing on this blog for a long time. Now that I have time, you'll be seeing a lot more. Woohoo!

Another semester has come and gone. This was probably my best semester yet (and by best I mean hardest). Four countries, new friends, life lessons, lots of maturing, Student Body Presidency, NHS Treasurer, Class President in three classes, yeah. It was good. But the best things to come out of it are probably the lessons I learned from studying the U.S government and philosophy, believes, and priorities that are behind it. (The principles listed below are a mixture of government philosophy, the U.S constitution, and personal opinion).

The Fountain of Authority

The Government's purpose, according to Kirk, is to protect our freedoms and provide order. The Government's order is to serve the people, not the other way around. The Fountain of Authority is the people. The culture. The family. We the people give the government its authority. In return, the government protects our freedoms and provides order. Anything else strays away from the purpose of the constitution and violates the 10th Amendment of the U.S constitution, which protects against the federal government doing things other than what it was authorized to do by the powers listed in the constitution. That being said, authority is not given automatically. The people have to raise their voice and give their authority. If the people are not actively involved in the government, then what is the purpose of having a constitution, checks on powers, and due process of law? We might as well be ruled instead of governed. Be the authority. Don't be authorized.

Factions

No, this is not Divergent. But the same principle is in place. Factions can be defined as "groups of people, minority or majority, united by common interests/passions. They are also groups whose passions/opinions irritate the passions/interests of others. Two or more people who see the world similarly enough on one issue create a faction. They lobby and advocate for that change which they are partial to". The only two ways to destroy factions are to destroy liberty and equalize passions. Both are awful, but in my opinion, equalize passions is the worst. To equalize passions means that everyone is the same (read: socialism). The point of civil and political society is not to make everyone the same, but instead to encourage, advocate for, and support passions, opinions, interests, and ideas in government and in society everywhere else. When there are factions, change is made, society improves, and living life is easier. Factions are a good thing. As long as the separation of interests does not turn into a separation of society.

The U.S Constitution

*steps on soapbox* *clears throat* *yells* "THE U.S CONSTITUTION IS THE COOLEST THING EVER. EVERYONE GO READ IT. I LOVE THE CONSTITUTION. 'MURICA." *steps off soapbox*

Anyways.

Let's review the preamble to the constitution.

We the people of the United States, in order to form a more perfect union, establish justice, insure domestic tranquility, provide for the common defense, promote the general welfare, and secure the blessings of liberty to ourselves and our posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America.

The constitution puts checks and balances on powers in the government, mixes the forms of Government found within the Kyklos Cycle, and gives liberty and justice for all. The constitution is a rigid but forgiving document. It allows the people to keep their life, liberty, and property, yet still gives the government power. As a written constitution or law, it protects men against men, men against government, government against government. It makes our lives so much easier by allowing the legislative, executive or judicial branch to do it, but also gives us a civic duty and sense of national pride. That, in my opinion, is an indicator of a superior law and government. It gives each branch of government checks and balances on their power, allows the branches to put checks and balances of power on other branches, empowers the people, and creates an established and secure nation.

The U.S constitution is an inspired document from Heavenly Father. In D&C 101:77-80 it says 77 According to the laws and constitution of the people, which I have suffered to be established, and should be maintained for the rights and protection of all flesh, according to just and holy principles;

78 That every man may act in doctrine and principle pertaining to futurity, according to the moral agency which I have given unto him, that every man may be accountable for his own sins in the day of judgment.

79 Therefore, it is not right that any man should be in bondage one to another.

80 And for this purpose have I established the Constitution of this land, by the hands of wise men whom I raised up unto this very purpose, and redeemed the land by the shedding of blood.

In 1898, the Founding Fathers with George Washington at their head appeared to the LDS prophet Wilford Woodruff and demanded temple ordinances. 

The U.S constitution established a government where the right to exercise and the establishment of religion was listed as an inalienable right of the American people (the 1st Amendment). For thousands of years, the Lord had prepared the world for the restoration of the gospel, and the American Revolution and Constitutional Convention was one of the final events of this preparation. What good would it have done if the gospel was restored in a country where religious freedom was not protected? Very few countries at that time protected that right (shoutout to Switzerland). The constitution was written and America established for the restoration of the gospel. 

To summarize my feelings about the constitution, I will quote LDS prophet George Albert Smith when he said: "I am saying to you that to me, the Constitution of the United States of America is just as much from my Heavenly Father as the Ten Commandments."  

(All scriptures, quotes, and thoughts came from this article. I highly recommend reading it, LDS or not. It provides a great religious mixed with political perspective of the constitution. Plus some pretty cool facts about the founders and the stories behind the Constitutional Convention).

Although I learned so much more than what was written about in this post, these are my main takeaways from Government and Economics A. I encourage everyone to read and study the constitution to understand their rights as American citizens that way when you are called upon to make a change, you will be prepared and educated with the best supreme law - ever. 

Go out. Make a change. Learn. Live. Elevate.

Savannah

Live To Light and Love

In light of the recent Las Vegas shooting, I would like to add my two cents. Attacks like these are tragic, and they sadden me. But it's another thing when it occurs in the place you called home for 14 years.

LIVE to show people that there is still LIGHT and GOODNESS in the World. LIVE to show that there is BRAVERY and HONOR. LIVE to give people hope for the FUTURE. LIVE to inspire LOVE.

Live to love, and love like Christ.

Love,

Savannah

Regret

Take it from someone who knows.

Never pass up an opportunity to say "I love you" to someone you love. Because one day you'll be saying your last one and you'll regret the ones you didn't say.

A Silent Hallelujah

This post will be very vulnerable. Some of you will not agree with what you will read, but I ask of all to read with an open mind and empathy to the experience to which I am writing about.

Thank you.

A Silent Hallelujah

It had been a struggle to the top of the hill. It was early morning, and I was perspiring from the exercise. BYU Vocal Point played in my ears as I looked out over the view. A nice, big house on the left, and on the right, the majestic Lago Atitlan, with a stunning view of Volcan Atitlan and Toliman. I snapped a quick picture, then turned around, and started back down the Hill to return home. But then something stopped me. A surge. A surge of emotion that seemed to come from the depths of my soul. I turned around and returned to my spot on the hill. I took out my earbuds and did something that I hadn't done in a while. I listened. And then I felt. The numbness I had been applying broke and in came my heart. An incredible surge of sadness, joy, regret, excitement, passion, love, stress, and peace. The surge stung my eyes and made my heart ache. Suddenly, like a great wave, the memories from the last 2 1/2 years came crashing over me. I thought back to the beginning of Freshman year, and the crisis that I went through. I remembered the loss of most of my friends. I remembered my trip to Haiti and how much it changed me. I remembered joining debate and making WA friends for the first time. I remembered, with much joy, my first Elevation. I painfully remembered my first real move, to Costa Rica. I remember the hikes and the challenges.I remembered dancing in the kitchen, shooting Dad with a BB gun, making more friends through Williamsburg, the hours zooming. I remembered seeing Grandma and Grandpa again. Oh, how I love them! I remembered Lake Arenal, I remembered moving to Guatemala and "hanging out" with kids for the first time in months. I remembered seminary and muffins ad late nights. I remembered leaving home for two months, alone. I remembered Washington D.C., visiting Sam and Emily, the debate finals. I remembered the mountains of Provo, Utah. I remembered the homesickness. I remembered my 2nd and 3rd Elevation. I remembered coming home. I remembered the two Youth Groups in Guatemala. I remembered the Homestead and the tube. I remembered the Cultiva Group. I remembered passion and goodbyes. I remembered tears. I remembered the start of Junior Year. I remembered seeing the Jensens every day. Then, I felt all of that. All at once, a great roar in my ears. After that had cleared, I thought of my Savior, Jesus Christ. I thought of my slow, but steady, conversion process. I thought of my progress and faith. Then I thought of the majesty of Jesus Christ. Goosebumps chilled my body as I reflected on the power of the Atonement, the grandeur of the Planet Earth. I thought of Jesus Christ in my own life, and how hot he had heated the Refiner's Fire for me. Then I was still. A bird chirped. A dog barked. A car door slammed. There I stood, overlooking a magnificent lake. I listened, I felt. I thanked my God for everything. I thanked my God for my abundance. Then I was still once more. Slowly, almost imperceptibly, a silent hallelujah escaped my heart. It swelled and grew until it was like a Trumpet sounding. The silent hallelujah shook the Earth. Then all was quiet. I slowly turned around and started home. I arrived and continued my day as normal. But the silent hallelujah still echoed in my heart. It always will.

"Therefore, let your hearts be comforted concerning Zion, ... be still and know that I am God."

- D&C 101:16

Strong

Your character's strength is polished in the happy moments. Your character's strength is produced in the challenges. 

Be strong in the Gospel.

Be strong for others.

Be strong through Christ.

How Fast? Very.

A while ago, I wrote a post called "How Fast?". A basic summary is how fast will you let yourself live the most epic life, listen to the Spirit, and how fast things can change when you follow Christ. I wrote it in September, right after we had settled in Esparza, Costa Rica, and I was struggling. Lonely, sad, and friendless. However, I knew that something better was going to happen. So I wrote about it. And now that better thing has happened.

In January, I moved to Panajachel, Guatemala. The ultimate "amen hallelujah". I love my life here. I love the people, the lifestyle, and the things I've learned and the person I've become because of my time here.

March 28th, I left on an epic solo adventure (well, solo for a couple hours). I flew from Guatemala City to Las Vegas. This was the beginning of a two month period of pure awesome sauce. I went to Washington D.C. with the Clark County Children Choir, took a day trip up to St. George to visit some friends, went to a wedding, attended two sessions of Elevation, and had group therapy at the Brown's table (shoutout to the Browns for opening up their home to me, a wandering hobo in need of vegetables). I was able to see so many family and friends, explore a little more of this wonderful world, and love more deeply. Because it's hard to write about two months in one post, I'll just give a quick summary of each experience.

Washington D.C.:

I LOVE AMERICA. I got to see a beautiful city and culture, apply what I'd learned in U.S History, and fangirl over Abraham Lincoln (no shame).

St. George:

I have so much love for this adventure and these people. From cake batter chapstick, to Cafe Rio, to Pineapples, to International Shoot Up, to stalking Mr. Brown, and Veyo Pies, this day was the best. I'm honored to call these people my best friends. 

Erin's Wedding:

Because sometimes you need to go off-roading in Tuxedos and Dresses. 

The wedding cake may or may not have fallen on me on the drive home.

The Burger Meet Up:

I realized that it's not that rare of a phenomenon to see your friends in the flesh. #ThanksWilliamsburg. 

 ELEVATION:

The most incredible two weeks. First session I went as a student (HARD CORE POD 4 #sparklesssss) and second as a photographer. My life was changed. I was changed. I made amazing new friendships, saw old friends, and strengthened my relationships with my people. I'm so grateful for Williamsburg Academy and the roll it has played in my life.

Hard Core Pod 4. I love my sparkles. 

Weekend Adventure:

Again. Seeing your friends in person isn't totally foreign! Cliff jumping, seeking fortune elsewhere, Kanarraville Falls, Even Stevens, Waffles, Urban Renewal with Wes, homemade vegetable soup, getting sick, spending majority of my time with my best friend sleeping, and discussing America's political stage with Ben, I loved these few days. Thanks for all the memories.

LANV's formal:

Shoutout to Ames and Bri for being the best brownies ever.

Mini Pod 4 reunion!

THE BROWNIES (much love).

In a few months, my family will be taking off for Europe for x amount of months/years. That's kind of crazy to think about. I'm grateful for this life. I'm grateful for my God and my Faith. I'm thankful for my family. I'm thankful for friends. Thanks for making this life awesome.