Since I've written on this blog I've:
Moved across the country
Moved to college
Worked three jobs
Climbed a lot of rocks
Went on my first backpacking trip
Cried a lot
Tonight I want to talk about the real me.
Part of my move to South Carolina was me losing myself, finding myself, then losing myself again. I thought that moving to college was going to help me find myself again but alas, I still feel lost. Before I used to know with a surety that I was a daughter of God and I knew my personality and I knew my strengths. More importantly, I knew my worth. But now I just feel bleh. About myself and about others around me. I feel like Because I don't know who I am anymore I can't find people I vibe with because I don't even have a vibe. I feel like people don't know the real me and because of that I don't have many friends (except my roommates whom I love dearly) but how can I blame them if I don't know the real me?
I really want to though. Really. Ugh. If someone out there wants to remind me of who I am that would be great.
My ministering brothers (bless them) gave me a blessing to help me realize my identity and unchanging identity as a daughter of God. It's helped, but the journey to do so is long and arduous and honestly, I don't want to start it because it's almost comfortable to stay here. I know that contradicts everything I said about wanting to find myself again but that's honestly how I feel. I'm just not myself right now.
I'm really sorry to all the people I've met over the last year. You don't know the real Savannah. You met a tired, drained, unsure Savannah. I promise that's not who I am. But I don't really know who I should be anymore. Just be patient with me and soon you'll see who I really am.
