The Real Me

Since I've written on this blog I've:

Moved across the country
Moved to college
Worked three jobs
Climbed a lot of rocks
Went on my first backpacking trip
Cried a lot

Tonight I want to talk about the real me.

Part of my move to South Carolina was me losing myself, finding myself, then losing myself again. I thought that moving to college was going to help me find myself again but alas, I still feel lost. Before I used to know with a surety that I was a daughter of God and I knew my personality and I knew my strengths. More importantly, I knew my worth. But now I just feel bleh. About myself and about others around me. I feel like Because I don't know who I am anymore I can't find people I vibe with because I don't even have a vibe. I feel like people don't know the real me and because of that I don't have many friends (except my roommates whom I love dearly) but how can I blame them if I don't know the real me?

I really want to though. Really. Ugh. If someone out there wants to remind me of who I am that would be great.

My ministering brothers (bless them) gave me a blessing to help me realize my identity and unchanging identity as a daughter of God. It's helped, but the journey to do so is long and arduous and honestly, I don't want to start it because it's almost comfortable to stay here. I know that contradicts everything I said about wanting to find myself again but that's honestly how I feel. I'm just not myself right now.

I'm really sorry to all the people I've met over the last year. You don't know the real Savannah. You met a tired, drained, unsure Savannah. I promise that's not who I am. But I don't really know who I should be anymore. Just be patient with me and soon you'll see who I really am.

Pinned to the Soul

Some badges are pinned to the soul.

Just Talk

Talking is really nice. Especially to someone you know loves you. Someone you trust. Talking about everything is nice. To just sit down and let it all out. When you're sad, when you're happy, when you're upset, when you're stressed, or when you're in love. Get it all out. Sometimes we don't expect to talk to the person we talk to, but it feels good when you're done. Sometimes it's nice to let your body language talk. To let someone's actions talk. To let their touch talk. Just talk.

When I'm a Mom

When I'm a mom, I want to be the best mom EVER. I want to raise my kids to love life. To love Christ and live his gospel with complete fidelity. I want to instill that love for him in them and inspire them by my own actions. I want them to love adventure. I want them to love their family. I want them to love learning. I'll teach them those things. I'll teach them how to take care of their body and exercise. I'll read books with them. I'll watch movies with them. I'll take pictures with them so they can have little snapshots of my love for them. I'll invite their friends over so they know they can trust me and my husband with their relationships. I want them to grow up with a dog so they can learn how to be responsible. I want them to be involved with sports and music. I want to raise them to be passionate. I want them to see that their mom and dad love each other and that they are worthy of love. I want them to love chocolate so I have an excuse to buy a lot. I want them to cook with me so we can create memories. I want to hear all about my daughters' first date when they're 16. Their first kiss, their first boyfriend, their first prom. I want to be a friend to my children. I will raise them to respect everyone and serve selflessly. To dive deep into their education and invest in it. To be financially smart. Independent. How to make good decisions. I want to teach them to be in tune with the Spirit all the time. I will teach them to love themselves. But most importantly, I will teach them how to love their Savior, Jesus Christ.

IMMA BE THE BEST MOM EVER!!!

A Spiritual Airplane

When in turbulence or in a cloud, an airplane does not stop. The pilot does not put the plane in neutral and wait out the storm or apparent danger. No, it keeps moving. Forward. If he put it in neutral, there would be certain danger for passengers and he would run out of gas. So he keeps moving forward. Not to the side. Not back. Forward. In this analogy, the airplane is life and our faith in Jesus Christ. We are the pilot. The other passengers are the other people affected by our actions. The gas represents the atonement. In trying times, human nature is to stop and "wait out the storm". Stop progressing emotionally, spiritually, and physically. However, if we did that, our faith would waver, other people would be affected by our actions, and we would be put into spiritual danger. We would waste the atonement by not using its enabling power (just like the gas) to move forward. In life, we must press onward, enduring to the end despite the vicious trials life throws at us. We must trust in ourselves, in our savior, and keep an eternal perspective. We must trust that the ultimate pilot and savior of our lives will guide us safely home if we trust in him, follow him, and use his atonement and the enabling power it gives us.

FRIGGIN ACCEPTANCE

I had this thought the other day and after thinking about it for a while I'm kind of ticked. WHY CAN'T WE JUST FRIGGIN ACCEPT EVERYONE.

My favorite celebrity is Ellen. Without a doubt. Hi Ellen if you're reading this I love you. Anyways. Ellen is a huge LGBTQ+ advocate and I admire that she's willing to stand up for what she believes in.  I was watching her 20th Anniversary of Coming Out video and had this epiphany. It seems that a lot of gay people lose their friends after coming out because their "friends" are afraid they'll start hitting on them. Well, I'm straight and I don't hit on every single guy I meet. That'd be weird. So why do we think that just because someone's gay they'll hit on you...? *loud screaming* JUST FRIGGIN ACCEPT EVERYONE.

Another thing. Christ accepts everyone. He loves everyone. In fact, he died for everyone. It's not liked our acceptance into the Celestial Kingdom will be based on whether or not we're straight or not. God loves ALL his children and wants them to be happy. So let's be like Christ and love everyone too.

Kick the Comfort Zone

I was going through the notes on my phone and found this.

"Don't be afraid to not do 'what girls do.'" You are different. Kick the comfort zone."

While that may be true, let's try an alternative.

"Don't be afraid to do 'what girls do'. You are different. Kick the comfort zone."

It's okay to not wear makeup for an entire month but then wear a full face every once in a while. It's okay to feel really pretty in a dress. It's okay to curl your hair. It's okay to get filthy dirty while playing in the mud with your siblings. It's okay to burp after a really good meal (just don't get in the habit ;)). It's okay to have big thighs because you exercise regularly. It's okay to be yourself.

Sometimes, kicking the comfort zone isn't being the opposite of something, or entirely changing yourself. Sometimes, it's simple acceptance of who you are. Finding your personal freedom. Kick the comfort zone.